A loner's Ravings

I am feeling much better. May the medications are working. But I am tired, and not upto much. That must be the medication too!!

Today is rather Ok. I am feeling better. Not on the top[p of the world, But ok. Must be the medicine

Rainy, cloudy, gloomy day. I feel reasonably ok. Endogenous depression! What a word! All it means is the shrink doesn't know what causes it. And the violence, manic phase of bipolar disease. They are good at inventing words, these psychiatrists!! None of the above words mean a thing. Just look them upp in any dictionary, i case you dont believe me

I am human too. Sometimes I get hurt too. How come no one ever realizes that. And Hey! I have a problem with drinks. Alcohol. I am told I drink too much. My be I do. And then I go violent and pick fights with people I don't even know. But I drink only when I am feeling that hurt. You know, like something is eating your insides. And you cannot get it out. So you go try drink it out. Liver is as good a road as any other, to go to your maker, whoever he is. Never met him yet. I guess I will eventually, like those golden girls and chimmney sweeps. And then I have a few questions to ask. Life sucks, dude. And there ain't nothing you can do about it. So just shut the heck up and get on with it. Or end it. What are you wailing for anyway? None of the other seven billion idiots out there care, you moron. It's your life and your problem.

This is rubbish. That is why you find ads for depression here. As if I am depressed. Of course I am not depressed. I have a problem telling people what I feel. That is not depression. That is courtesy. So get off my chest. Leave me alone.

What is going on. Why the heck am I so desparate? Especially when I don't even know what makes me so.

You wake up and the stupid sun is up there. Everyday. Why doesnt it end, one way or the other. Who cares if it is a white dwarf or a red giant. Just shut that off. Many of us have had enough of you.

It is raining and cold today. Not that sunshine and birds ongs would have made it any better. All the same the patter of rain on the roof can get annoying. Especially at night. I wonder if it would ever be possible to tell wht it means to be a loner. How strange the world appears.

You know what i did today. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. So I feel somewhat ok. What beats me is how anyone can do anyhting at all. It isn't human.

Back to my wanderings. What do you do when you are lonely all the time? Or feel lonely all the time even when there are people all around you? What about when all the other guys appear like they are from mars? May be it I who am not from here.

Ok, this won't interest you too much. It is personal. Very personal. So don't go blaming me after you have wasted your time reading it. I may not even update it regularly. Only when I am feeling particularly under. Given that, i should tell ya why i chose loner2 instead of loner. That nick,loner, my favourite, has been taken. So there. But then i am a loner-too. So loner2 makes some kind of silly sense. Right? I am sure there are many loners out there. Now I officially join their ranks.