A loner's Ravings

I have got that *%$#@ insomnia again. I cannot shut my eyes. I cannot sleep. And I refuse to take any medicines for that. let the shrink go to h**l. When i get these bouts of insomnia I tend to get rather violent. Then depressed. So what in the name of all that is wierd is this? Is this MDP?

The best thing that can happen to me now is death. That is the most difficult thing too. I guess I am doomed to live with this guilt and depression for ever. Forever is such a long time. I don't know that I can survive forever!! What possible good can life hold in store for me now. What possible good can I ever hope for. I have never been good myself. Crime and Punishment. Who said that, huh? I can feel the tendrils of depression creep into my soul. And constrict my being. I cannot bear this much longer.

I am such a screwy lover I make her hate me just by opening my mouth I dont have to say a word But when i do say a word Depend upon it The fight lasts days

What the hell is going on. I think I am going nuts. may be I shouldn't have stopped the medications !! HHow do you control violence? And I am not sure you can blame all this on just depression, whatever the shrink might say.