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Saturday, April 18, 2009

Silence

Listen intently. That is the silence whispering.

Wednesday, April 08, 2009

The Scan

The cruel, unrelenting spot was still there on the scan. It seemed to smirk, like a living monster, saying "Go on. Try to get rid of me, if you can." She stared numbly at the scan.
The doctor was babbling something about it being OK, we will take the treatment again. Some part of her mind heard those words, and judged them for what they were- mere words. She wanted to stay calm, not let go. At the same time she wanted to scream: "Listen, Doc. You are taking about my body, this disease eating away My body, and possible end of my existence. So what do you mean- we will try again!"
At the same time she realized, she was being unreasonable. After all this guy is only a doctor. He is not God. And I have been praying to the Almighty every waking hour of my life, for I don't know how long. And He chose to slap this scan on me. And He knows best.
She felt laughter and tears of anguish mix deep in her soul. All right God. If it be thy will, I accept. Anyway, You don't give much choice, do you.
She wondered about all the prayers. All the fasting and ridiculous rituals she had tried, and the immense Hope she had placed in the Great Power. And now, here she was, in front of this silly guy, trying to console her. You have no idea about the torment of being a wife and a mother. Then how can you ever hope to understand what it means to be a wife and a mother and realize that you will leave this world so much sooner than either the husband or the son. The torment of knowing that without her they would be helpless.
Maybe I am over ratting myself, she reminded herself. This beautiful world existed before me. It will continue to exist after me. All these people and the dust and the noise. I won't even be missed after a while.
Adieu.
 
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