A loner's Ravings

See the leaves turn yellow and brown, See the trees turn wild with colors, See the forest and the mountains go crazy Like a Van Gogh Listen to the streams and the rivers, And the sombre silence of the lake, Listen to the birds and the sky, And the wonder of it all. It is fall. I love fall More than I love spring And I dont know whom to thank That I can see and listen And be part of this miracle. Soon it will be winter And the snow will be all over. But the memories will remain For ever, Even when I am myself A part of this .

What is it about your face That drives me crazy? What is it about your voice That leaves me nearly paralyzed? What are you, anyway, That you have such power over me? I keep telling myself I am imagining you That you cannot possibly exist. Yet I know you are there. And I wouldn't have it anyother way. So, want to tell me About your power.

There was this old lady Near my place. I say "Good Morning" And she answers "I will tell you Good morning When morning really comes" She tells me her nephew will be visting today. But he doesn't come. Ever. And she says quietly, "It is so peaceful When you dont have any one to wait for". Her words demand silence. She is well over ninety, Everyone says she is demented Waiting for her kin who never come. And never complaining she is lonely. She is still so very pretty I tell her she must have been ravishing in her youth. She smiles. She looks happy. And then, Before the nephew could come With the cherries Or was it cherry blossoms For her, She left.

I have got that *%$#@ insomnia again. I cannot shut my eyes. I cannot sleep. And I refuse to take any medicines for that. let the shrink go to h**l. When i get these bouts of insomnia I tend to get rather violent. Then depressed. So what in the name of all that is wierd is this? Is this MDP?

The best thing that can happen to me now is death. That is the most difficult thing too. I guess I am doomed to live with this guilt and depression for ever. Forever is such a long time. I don't know that I can survive forever!! What possible good can life hold in store for me now. What possible good can I ever hope for. I have never been good myself. Crime and Punishment. Who said that, huh? I can feel the tendrils of depression creep into my soul. And constrict my being. I cannot bear this much longer.

I am such a screwy lover I make her hate me just by opening my mouth I dont have to say a word But when i do say a word Depend upon it The fight lasts days

What the hell is going on. I think I am going nuts. may be I shouldn't have stopped the medications !! HHow do you control violence? And I am not sure you can blame all this on just depression, whatever the shrink might say.