A loner's Ravings

What do you know!! Today was a day of coincidences. The person I mentioned in the last post called. No, not to thank me, but to say the document has been recieved. Well, well. Sure And then I met that person of God whom I had mentioned two posts earlier. And this time, there were no questions!! Ok, so that is it. So I am now back to my lonely ways, Past feelings and emotions. No room here for any of that stuff. I suspect I am getting a little personal. So no more of this grumblings!!

How can a loner ever have a friend ! That is a contradiction in terms, and a contardiction in real life. The story line is simple. I spent about a month running from place to place and person to person and finally got something very important done for a person I thought was my "friend". (Contradiction, Contradiction). Once the hard part of the work was over and the required documentation ready, what do you know, not even a thank you!! Yeah, I know, I shouldn't complain. Well, I am complaining, actually, in case you didn't notice. I know I have no business doing that. But I feel hurt real bad. And I haven't felt this bad in a long time. Being a loner is much less painful.

The questions keep coming and I flounder for answers. The question this time is a little weird. A person of god asked me how I am doing. I said, well, you know, not too god, not too bad, if you get what I mean. And the next question came immediately, more in the nature of a statement, than a question actually. It went something like this, a person who believes in God should have no such doubts. My answer surprised even me(and few things surprise me these days!): I said, what is more important-whether I believe in God or whether God believes in me. Good question, huh. I baffled myself. I have been wondering about its meaning for about three days now. What on earth did I mean by that. What made me say that, anyway. I mean I don't really care either way. And yet the question haunts me. After three days of desultory thought I have concluded that the key word in that question is neither God, nor I, but the word "believe". Put another way, what is belief? Somethig that cannot ...

I got that same old question again! How can anyone be lonely in the midst of all the people on earth. I guess it is not possible to explain that to a person who is not part of the "loner" crowd. On second thoughts it is difficult to understand. How indeed can anyone be lonely. How do you explain the loneliness of the soul. The utter despair of these times. You don't get to choose the timeline of your habitation of the earth. I know, this sounds silly. What I just wrote. I will blog the details later.

The bizarre silence of the water stuns me. It is so cool. So warm. So poignant. And so murderous. I can almost see all the lost souls screaming in eternal silence in your womb. And those screams stir the depths of my soul. May be I am part of that crowd. True, I stand on the bank, outside the water. But that is just an accident. I haunt you the way you haunt me. It is only fair that I should do so. After all, why should you punish me so with all this silent uproar? This never ending pain.

A blog a day keeps the tablets away. But there is a problem. Unlike apples, blogging is not easy. Not unless you want to write just anything, that is. I need to get into the habit of blogging every day. But how ! Take a deep breath and blog, uh, Red Queen.

The silence of the muddy water stirred memories lost long ago. How many lives have you taken?