I haven't posted a word in nearly two months. That is a billion years in blogdom. But these last couple of months have been really bad for me. Actually the last seven months. I didn't know I had it me to hold out so long when faced with such a fierce moral disquiet. It is all right to talk about being a loner, but this stupid world is real and the agonies of existence are all to real.
I am no longer what I used to be. The old loner is no more. The external world which I inhabit appears the same. The trees, the weather, the skies and the stars are all the same. But something disappeared form the world and from my soul.
Now I realize the true meaning of loneliness. I am beginning to understand why He prayed alone and why He wept.
I! Even the word I irritates me now. It reminds me of this useless body. I have started looking forward to the day when whatever is locked up inside this body is finally liberated, be the destination what it may. I cannot care less.
Heaven. Hell. Sin. Come on!! What can be worse than this world. Or my life.