A loner's Ravings

I wish for so many things. Like sleep Like quiet Like a good look at the sky. Like sounds of the stream and the flowers Like the noise of the trees. But all i can hear are the cries and the screams And the thunder of hatred. And I feel the shame of the helpless. There is nothing I can do. To stop this. Nothing anyone can do to stop this.

With the mad wind howling in my mind, And the clammy wetness of rain all around, The noises refuse to stop, Nature has gone nuts. Dirty. Sleep is so wary. And damp. How do people sleep? That never ending wonder seizes me by the soul. I guess, you need to be lucky to sleep.

What do you do when your choices are but two: starve or sell yourself. She took the second choice. I cannot cast a stone. Not when you have known what it means to go without food or even hope of food. So she was given the age old name. And and she went and got herself with child, and died after childbirth. I mean, you dont stand much chance when you are barely in your teens, certainly not when you have to hide the bulge in your belly. So the little girl died, leaving the barely born son alive, to live a life of shame in a world filled with the righteous. Maybe his maker will know what to do about this mess. And then there was this other girl. She chose the first option. And starved. When she couldn't starve anymore she suicided (committed suicide, if you prefer it that way). True, she held out for a long time. But there are limts, I suppose. People call the second girl a victim, and the first girl a whore. Well. What do you know !

I know this is silly, but can some one tell me which war has ever solved any problem. No, I am not talking about the guys who cause the war. I am talking the unfortunates who are caught in it.

Winter. Whiteness, desolationn all around. Withered leaves slowly vanish from Weeping trees. Wild fantasies flood my mind. Will this ever end? Will it turn red again? Wounded and dying earth crying for, for, What?

Yet another fall dawns. The colors are glorious. Who could have thought mere green leaves could turn into such a collage! And yet as surely as they change colors, so must they perish. The tragedy is not that they must perish. The tragedy is that they are so heartbreakingly lovely while they last. It is a lot like love. But unlike the seasons, unlike fall and winter and their cycles, love is for once only. It comes, if you are lucky. It breaks your heart. And then it disappears, forever. All it leaves behind is the shell of what you were. And never ending loneliness.

No, that is not Unix. It is who am I? What the hell am I doing over here? Hey, am I the sum of feelings, emotions, dreams And whatever other nonsene you can think of Embodied in a stupid human frame? Is that all? What a waste ! There has to be some other reason. Why do I cause so much anger in others Just by opening my mouth? The winter is nearing. It is getting colder. The jays and the flowers will wither away. The snow will cover the lakes and the waters. And I will continue, Isn't that nonsense. I mean, how come i weather this, and more.