A loner's Ravings

Those who believe God, the guy with the capital G, exists could say that He, again with a capital H, bountifully compensates whatever He chose not to give in His infinite wisdom. Ours not to question why he chose not to give or to compensate. It is His pleasure. If a mere mortal could comprehend the working of the infinite it would cease to be infinite, being bounded by our own knowledge. So I just let myself be amazed by the gifts as well as the warnings from a source I can never hope to understand. Maybe it is His subtle if painful way of revealing His presence.

I remember you again, this day. Like I do almost everyday. The secret joys and the everlasting sorrows I remember you with a pain so profound Words make no sense. The silence of life Like the calm lake Hiding all the horrible secrets In her bosom I sit beside the calm water Dark and ominously silent Yearning. You cannot come. And yet I have not the heart to call this Final.

Constant noises populate the utter silence of my life. No, not the life you would encounter in case you met me. The deeper, inner life that every person has to deal with alone. I sometimes wonder how I communicate at all with all the people, given that I have so little in common with them. No, I do not forget those who have added kind comments on my blog. That shows, maybe humankind has some kind of future. (Whatever that means!). Not because some people have nice words for a loner. But because such people exist at all. Maybe they belong to the next stage of evolution. Some kind of super human beings with the topology of ordinary mortals.

Looks like it is going to last for some time. This silence.

Well, here I am again with a very brief post. I do not quite feel upto the task of blogging an entire page.

The odd thing about depression is that you cannot speak,write or even blog when you are depressed real bad. See you all later.

Death can be so peaceful, or so gruesome. I thought I could tell when it is peaceful and when it is gruesome. Now I know I was wrong. The lady pulled out her tracheostomy tube right in front of me, turned blue and expired. People were screaming, Some staring in silent disbelief, At death, so near. But her face, Pallid and blue at the same time, A strange color you don't often see, Her face was so peaceful. As if she had finally done what she had always wanted to do, As if she was done with all the nonsense that was being done to her body And she seemed to be smiling in her death with her eyes open. And I am sitting here, confused beyond words. And an image that refuses to go away.