A loner's Ravings

Thank you, kind stranger. Will try what you recommend. Although normally I sleep around the time you suggest I wake myself up. Bizarre. Anyway it is good to know people care. Maybe the funk thing I had is wearing off. Maybe, just maybe I can write again. After all, the mist that seemed to cover my brain is slowly clearing. I can see a bit now. Off and on. What is hope?

This blue funk is going to last longer than I thought. I just cannot find the energy. I mean, I am Zapped. And so tired. I guess one does get sick of things eventually. Writing just this much leaves me almost physically sick ! Maybe I will be able to return. Maybe I can write, some time

I am a bit more down today than usual. I wish I could get up enough energy to blog. What a day !!

What is normal? I am not normal. Every one says so. I know it myself. What I don't know is, what is normal anyway. Everything is the same. For me. For them. But then how come I am the one who is not normal ! Beats me.

I haven't been at this post for a few days. You know, kind of got messed up. Now isn't that funny. I never knew things could get messier! Anyway, I have got this new question. The question of not fitting in. Of being forever lonely. Of not belonging. Good. That kind of defines a loner. Not necessarily the depressed, asocial sort of loner, but the generic variety. It is all about statistics. Normal, social beings are merely the ones who fit into the statsistical definiton of socailly normal person. I am not that kind. I guess, there are more of this tribe on this planet than anyone suspects. People who barely manage to get along, all the time wondering what on earth they are doing here, in this crowd. I know I feel that way more often than I care to remember. Each passing day leaves me more bewildered. Maybe there is a meaning to human existence. Maybe there is more to life than food, clothing and shelter. Maybe in somebody's infinite wisdom, that meaning has merely been hi...

Winter taps at my door once again. The birds are headed south. I suppose it is south. Desolate whiteness will soon cover everything. White stands for what? Peace. Prosperity. Don't make me laugh. It stands for utter, unspeakable loneliness. It stands for sheer cold. Cold that eats into your being. Maybe times have changed. Maybe white is not what it used to be. Maybe I am outdated.