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The Loner's Ladder

How many levels of loneliness can a person rise to? The lowest would be mere physical loneliness. The lack of physical proximity to other humans, excluding extreme conditions such as imprisonment. (More on that topic later). As you rise higher up the loner's ladder you reach the level of psychological loneliness which is where most of us confirmed loners acually are. In this state you have people milling alla around you. But you are not part of the crowd. Empathy. I believe that is the word. Lack thereof. Next is a kind of spiritual loneliness wherein the lack of faith in anything whatsoever leaves you wondering what on earth you are doing here. And finally there is the existential loneliness where you are sure there is no meaning to the previous question.

So what am I doing here?

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Maybe loneliness implies detachment. This is not what an old comment on this blog says. It says loners are basically asocial beings with some hidden grudge in thier minds. I don't think so. May be there are loners of that version out there. But detachment is the phrase that has been on my mind for some days now. The true meaning of detachment is way beyond me. Embracing emotions, experiences. I don't know. May there is something in that.
First I learned there are other loners out there. Then I learned there are people out there who care. People who actually seem to be concerned about you. And all the time I had assumed a sort of worthlessness which now seems to be, well, rather disproportionate. Sure, I knew there are nice people in this world. I never knew there were great people. Ok, I am not talking about GREAT people, you know. I am talking about the ordinary people with the spark of greatness in them. What can be greater than caring about a fellow human being whom you don't even know.
What is normal? I am not normal. Every one says so. I know it myself. What I don't know is, what is normal anyway. Everything is the same. For me. For them. But then how come I am the one who is not normal ! Beats me.